We are dedicated to equality for every human, we think everyone deserves the same treatment from society. This is why we created Horse Beater 3000, this game will end racism forever, or at least remind all the white people that their privileges are bringing down everyone else. If you’re white, you’re part of the problem.
However, as a lone wolf, and a wild stallion which cannot be tamed, I couldn’t hope to attain this on my own. Although my hair is great and my eyes are dreamy, I am no god, I needed help. I had the help of these wunderkinds of the highest degree to realize my dream;
Alexander Kurrywanker – Creative genius extraordinaire;
This is the sexiest of boys, he has a strong jawline, hair he combs frequently, and is half gook, for that exotic touch. The girls want him, the boys want him inside them, as this warrior poet battles through waves of existentialist fear, he’ll barrage you with strong opinions of movies, and that one time he met Paul Thomas Anderson. He’s a mystery which cannot be tracked down.
Ezequiel Gallo – Freelance Gimp;
This web-designing gimp will lube you up, and design you a website in no time. He has the deep dark dreamy eyes of a rapist, and the demeanour of a bad-boy you’d dread introducing to your parents. He plays the bass because he’s interesting. He smokes, wears a leather jacket he thinks is cool, and will be detained at the airport for no apparent reason. He can be found here.
Egill And. – Noise Man;
The family man who started the petition to take back the female vote, and who’s persistent calls to the local government office has become a nuisance. Against all wishes of the local witchdoctor, he mated and produced a child, which, as the witchdoctor said it would, deafened him beyond healing. He then turned to music production, as his handicap got him fired from his previous job, as a stay-at-home mum. He hates doing music, although his work can be found here.
Travis McKeithan – Gilbert Gottfried body double;
Travis is the guy I know with the best microphone, so he was an obvious choice for voice actor. His deep voice will make you heart melt, and your penis soft with fear. He has outsmarted geese on several occasions, and has the personality of a pile of dead rats. His singing voice can only be heard by bats, which will then die from confusion and terror shortly thereafter. He’s for hire, and he’ll fuck you just right. He can be found here.
Gregor McGinnis – Faggot;
Gregor McGinnis is the fucking worst. I hate him. Gregor has done nothing right, and I wish death upon him. Unfortunately, for complex legal reasons (he got me out of jail in South America) I have to credit him. He hates the Jews. I’m not even kidding, he has never met a Jewish person, but he really hates the Jews. He’s such an intolerant person, he’s strictly conservative, and he hates homosexuals, because he believes they find him irresistible, and will attempt to rape him. He’s ignorant, and I hated every moment of working with him on this project.
Aleksander Oakland – Oil Baron;
He is a beautiful boy, who does even more beautiful art. He will draw a cartoon of a dog, that looks slightly like a pretty man, fucking a dog who also looks slightly like a pretty man, that will really make you think. He will make you want to fuck boy animals, be you man, woman or child. He has created extra art for promotional purposes, here on this site, and everywhere else. Contrary to the scandal and popular belief, his lawyers asked us to say HE DOESN’T FUCK DOGS. wink. That wink cost me 30.000 $ in law suits.
He is a force of nature beyond all compare, he dances eternally and is the font of imaginary juices from which I sup. No other mortal could best him in the inspirational dialecticquandry within which he resides. From these lofty heights he bestows his gift of complete and total clarity to my thinking, allowing me to create mankind’s greatest gift: Horse Beater Three Thousand. Peace Be Upon Him.
We hope everyone who plays this game will see the world with new eyes, as good Catholics, and good lovers of Jesus Christ our Lord and saviour.